Zone Defense: Desperate longing for my college roommate (Final Chapter)

I knew from the time I set eyes on Aaron, he was going to cause me trouble

Nathan rushed across the busy street in a futile attempt to get in through the doors of his neighborhood pub without becoming thoroughly soaked. He'd moved to the west coast almost ten years ago, but he couldn't get used to the rain. In its favor, the city was spotless, greenery intense, and breathtakingly surrounded by miles of beaches and snow-capped mountains, offering some of the best sunbathing and skiing in the world.

Except, not in April. This was the rainy season, and the trip across the street from his small apartment would've been navigated more successfully with an umbrella, but one didn't want to look like a tourist, or so he'd been told, and be caught shying away from the joys of living in a temperate rainforest.

Nathan shook out his coat, hung it on a hook near the bar, and took a seat. He motioned for the bartender.

"What can I get for you tonight, Nathan?"

"Hey, Phil. You can pull me my usual." Nathan set his hands on the bar as he looked around. "It's busier than usual in here tonight."

"Yeah, engagement party. Poor sucker. The girl is pretty cute, though." Phil clapped his hands together. "I'll grab your beer."

"Thanks, buddy."

Nathan tucked in and lowered his gaze as people pushed past him. Ten years in the city, and he could count the number of friends he had on one hand, and that included Phil, the bartender.

After Aaron had packed up and moved out, Nathan had quit the football team and focused on his studies. Occasionally, he would catch a glimpse of Aaron across the common, but they'd never spoken again. The pain and emptiness had followed him even after he'd finished college. People had tried to become a part of his life, but he'd routinely pushed them away before they'd even made the first step. Without Aaron, he preferred being alone.

Nathan drained the glass and set it, along with some money, on the bar. "Thanks, Phil. I'll see you tomorrow." He was about to turn and leave when a heavy hand landed on his arm.

"Nathan?"

Fucking hell—it can't be.

Nathan spun around.

Aaron.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me!"

I was just thinking about you. Always you.

Only you.

"Jesus Christ. I thought it was you." Aaron slammed his hand onto Nathan's shoulder and embraced him. "I can't believe it. What are you doing on the coast? Do you live here now?"

"Yeah, I'm working with an environmental group here …you?"

"I'm still living back east. I flew in for a buddy of mine. He's getting married this summer and was looking for a bit of moral support during this engagement party thing of his."

"So, are you practicing law out there?" Nathan leaned against the bar to support himself. Aaron's eyes were doing strange but familiar things to his legs.

He's still so fucking gorgeous.

"Yeah," Aaron replied. "I've been running my own small firm for a few years now. We deal mostly in discrimination cases."

Nathan smirked. "Do you get many 'straight guys can't dance based on stereotyping' cases, councilor?"

Aaron drummed the bar in amusement. "No, I haven't seen any of those cross my desk yet."

"Time will tell." Nathan motioned for Phil to get him another beer. "Can I get you something?"

"No, I should really head back over there." Aaron held out his hand and pulled Nathan into another embrace. "It was really great seeing you. It's been a long time."

Instead of releasing Aaron, Nathan tucked his head against Aaron's shoulder and gripped tight to his sweater as the scent he'd been longing for curled desperately into his gut.

Christ, no, please don't let go of me.

Nathan stumbled, shivering against the bar when Aaron gripped his shoulders and separated their bodies. He thought for sure his heart was going to stop.

"Fuck, Nathan—" Aaron dipped down and looked up into Nathan's face. "Are you all right?"

Nathan shook his head no silently as his heart hammered out of control. He'd made a serious underestimation about the endurance of his love for Aaron. It was excruciating.

Wiping a stream of tears from his face, he raised his head and met Aaron's gaze.

"I lied to you that day," Nathan said. "The day you moved out."

"What?" Aaron scoped out the pub. He supported Nathan as he steered him toward an empty booth and slid in beside him. "You lied to me about what?" He wrapped his arm around Nathan's shoulder and cradled Nathan tight against his chest.

Nathan shuddered through a sob.

"Oh, fuck, Nathan—" Aaron laid his cheek against Nathan's still damp hair, warming it with his breath. "And I'm the fucking idiot? Why would you do something like that?"

Nathan turned his face into the curve of Aaron's neck. "I wanted you to be happy."

Aaron's eyebrows furrowed, and he pressed Nathan away from his body. "So, you made the decision for me? You decided what would make me happy?"

He shoved Nathan away, leaped from the booth, and stormed away.

He turned back.

"Fuck you, Nathan!" Aaron's voice boomed across the pub, turning heads in their direction.

"Wait …Aaron." Nathan struggled out of the booth and ran after Aaron. He'd headed back toward where his friends were gathered.

Christ, what have I done?

"Aaron, please …" Nathan touched Aaron's shoulder.

"You wanted me to be happy?" Aaron spun on him, deep lines creasing his flushed, outraged face. "My life has been fucking miserable without you!" He leaned against a chair for support and downed a drink from the engagement party table. "How could you do that to me?"

"I thought …I thought you'd be happier with Sarah."

"Fuck, Nathan. I never loved Sarah the way I loved you." Aaron paused and surveyed the table. His friends were staring open-mouthed at the exchange.

He returned his attention to Nathan. "Sarah and I didn't even last a year. She got fed up waiting for me to look at her the way I used to. The way I did before I met you."

"Why didn't you try to find me?" Nathan asked, bewildered by the reality he'd been so wrong.

"You'd told me you didn't love me." Aaron shook his head and lowered his gaze. "That last night we spent together when I was holding you afterward …I thought I saw something in your eyes. I thought I saw love. At that moment, my whole world opened up. I thought I'd be spending the rest of my life with you by my side as my lover and best friend. Instead, you pushed me away and said you didn't love me. I wasn't going to go looking for you after that. I'd been hurt enough."

Nathan covered his mouth and steadied himself, reliving the moment he'd pushed away the only man he'd ever loved.

I am such a fucking idiot.

"I was scared," Nathan said. "I felt something, and it scared me."

Aaron looked around and grabbed his coat. "Is there somewhere else we can talk about this?"

"Wait—" Nathan held up his hand to stop Aaron from moving. "Let me get this out first." He swiped a hand across his face.

Aaron grunted and set his hands on his hips.

"You were right. You saw something that night," Nathan said, then laughed hesitantly. "I think my body knew it long before my mind did. I couldn't get enough of you. From the first day I met you, I knew I was in trouble."

"Yeah, I know the feeling," Aaron said, relaxing. "You were pretty fucking adorable with that cum on your cheek …your face all flushed and everything."

"Christ, Aaron—" Nathan shoved Aaron further away from his friends. "Your friends are listening."

"Hell, they don't care." Aaron wrapped Nathan up in his arms and buried his face in Nathan's hair. "They know I'm gay. They're gawking because they're surprised to hear I had a girlfriend."

Nathan pulled back. "What?"

"Turns out you were right." Aaron shrugged. "I like guys."

"But—" Nathan scrunched up his face, floored, and shook his head. "You know what …never mind."

"So, you did feel something that night?"

"Yes, I did, and …"

Aaron brushed his fingers through the hair above Nathan's ear. "Are you seeing anyone?"

"No, but—"

"Do you live nearby?"

Nathan's heart felt as if it nearly stopped. He nodded his head and pointed toward the door. "My …my apartment …is …right there."

"Great."

Nathan hesitated when Aaron grabbed his hand. "Wait—"

"What's wrong?" Aaron's brow creased in confusion, then he clapped his hand onto his forehead. "You're not interested in picking up together. I'm sorry. I assumed because of the way you were holding me. I totally read that wrong."

"No, that's not it. I'm interested, but I hadn't finished what I wanted to say." Nathan reached for Aaron's hand and stroked his thumb across it. "Before we go running off and I get completely distracted, I need to tell you something."

Nathan wet his lips and bit down on the bottom one.

Fuck

"What?" Aaron reached for Nathan's other hand as understanding washed over him. "What do you want to tell me?"

"Fuck, this is hard for me, Aaron."

"Then let me start." Aaron leaned in and kissed Nathan's lips. "I'm still in love with you too."

---

The door fell open with more force than necessary, but Nathan was having trouble manipulating the keys while Aaron was simultaneously removing his pants for him and aggressively caressing his throat with his tongue. Once in, he tossed the keys toward the kitchen counter, but they slid across its surface and onto the floor, breaking something on the far side.

Aaron stopped his assault. "Did you break something?"

"It's nothing." Nathan peered over the counter at the broken glass. Luckily, the dish had been almost empty. "It's just Lulu's water dish."

"Lulu?" Aaron snorted loudly and creased up, laughing.

Nathan shoved him affectionately. "Shut the fuck up. I inherited the stupid cat, all right. She came pre-named."

"You didn't think to change her name?"

"No." Nathan squatted down and picked up the largest of the broken pieces. "That would've confused her."

"Where is she?"

Nathan reached for the broom and dustpan and attempted to sweep up the smaller bits. "Probably on the bed."

"Smart cat …" Aaron whispered under his breath as he made his way down the hall.

He stopped as he entered Nathan's bedroom and ran his fingers over a framed picture just inside the doorway. It was a group photo of their football team, and he and Nathan were standing side by side in it. Smiling—happy.

Nathan pressed up behind him, wrapped his arms around Aaron's waist, and set his chin on Aaron's shoulder. "Seems like a lifetime ago, doesn't it?"

Aaron sighed and turned to face Nathan, cupping his face. He kissed Nathan's lips, then studied him. "We need to get something straight between you and me." He grinned, but with a subtle seriousness. "If you break my heart again, I swear to God, I will kick your ass from here all the way back to that damn school."

"Not going to happen," Nathan said as he ran a finger down Aaron's shirt and hooked it in Aaron's belt. "I love you too much."

Aaron smirked. "That sounded nice." He pulled at Nathan's arm, hauling him toward the bed. "Hearing you say it."

"Well, get used to it because it's going to become a habit."

"That's a good habit," Aaron said as he sat on the end of the bed, deftly unhooked Nathan's belt, and dropped Nathan's pants to the floor. He brushed his cheek across Nathan's hardening cock, moaning quietly and sighing, then licked the fabric of Nathan's underwear.

Nathan brushed a hand through Aaron's hair and sighed softly with exhilaration.

"So, what made you realize you were gay?" he asked.

"Well—" Aaron tucked his fingers into the band of Nathan's underwear, released his cock, and shoved his underwear toward the floor. "After Sarah and I broke up …" Using his thumb and forefinger, Aaron slid Nathan's foreskin until it completely covered his cockhead. He licked delicately at the puckered crease, then drew the skin all the way back against Nathan's body and sucked gently on the head as he jacked the shaft a few times.