Zone Defense: Desperate longing for my college roommate (Chapter 5)

I knew from the time I set eyes on Aaron, he was going to cause me trouble

Nathan stared up at the ceiling above his bed and listened to the soft sound of Aaron breathing beside him. It was a sound that both comforted and terrified him. They'd only been official for a week, but being with Aaron like this, spending every spare moment in his arms, felt as natural as if Aaron had been at his side his entire life.

Of course, the guys on their football team had teased them relentlessly for the first couple of days, but, except for one homophobic twit, they'd readily accepted their relationship and moved on with the business of preparing for the season opener. It hadn't fazed them at all, the fact that two of their teammates were sleeping together. The thrill of telling the sports world to go fuck itself had been greatly diminished by their acceptance.

Nathan grunted softly and crossed his arms, which must've woken Aaron up because Aaron rolled over and nuzzled his face against Nathan's shoulder.

"You look so serious," Aaron said. "What are you thinking about?"

"I was thinking about the conversation we had with your parents this morning," Nathan said. "You're lucky they're cool with us being together. My parents would've disowned me."

"You don't know that for sure."

The shift and roll of the bed meant naptime was over. Aaron's body had an automatic awake switch when it came to dinnertime. Nathan turned into the pillow where Aaron had been lying and inhaled the lingering scent of him.

His gut twisted, and his cock twitched, remembering what they'd done together the night before, and how incredibly erotic and intense and honest it had felt—and how he'd wished it would go on forever. That Aaron would go on holding, kissing, and fucking him forever.

Nathan rolled back and returned to staring at the ceiling.

This is insane. I don't do this …whatever it is.

"Nathan?" Aaron stood over the bed and folded his arms protectively across his chest. "Is everything all right?"

"Hm …yeah, everything's fine." Nathan closed his eyes. "I think maybe we're spending too much time together, is all."

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

"We're together all the time. Neither one of us has gone out with our own friends all week. That's not a good thing. I think it's important we have our own lives."

"I thought we were a couple?" Aaron lowered himself onto the edge of the bed. "I thought this was our life …together."

"Well, you thought wrong. It makes me uncomfortable. I don't like it." Nathan pushed the comforter away to free himself and climbed past Aaron. He circled the room, looking for an evasive piece of clothing that truthfully didn't exist.

"But last night," Aaron said. "Surely you felt it."

Nathan cringed. "I didn't feel anything—and I don't appreciate the way you're trying to tie me down."

"I'm not trying to tie you down, Nathan. I wouldn't do that." Aaron stood and approached Nathan's side. "I think we're amazing together, but I can back off and give you some space if that's what you need me to do." He reached for Nathan's shoulder, but Nathan jerked it away, shoved Aaron aside, stormed toward the door, and wrenched it open.

"What I need you to do, Aaron—is leave me the fuck alone," Nathan said. "I don't want to do this whole boyfriend thing with you anymore."

"Where the fuck is this coming from?" Aaron grabbed Nathan's arm to keep him from leaving and slammed the door. "Last I checked, things were good between us. Hell, things were great!"

"Let me go!" Nathan yanked his arm free of Aaron's grasp and adjusted his sweatshirt. "This was a huge mistake. We never should've messed up our friendship like this."

Aaron blinked.

"We haven't messed anything up," he said. "We're closer than we've ever been." Aaron paused. "I've never felt closer to anyone in my life."

Nathan scrubbed his hand across his face, attempting to control his temper. "Stop! Just fucking stop!"

"Stop what? Stop loving you. That's not going to happen."

As it connected with Aaron’s face, the force of Nathan's fist knocked Aaron off his feet. He landed with a heavy thud on the floor.

He hadn't been expecting it.

Either had Nathan.

As soon as Aaron hit the floor, Nathan immediately regretted it. He'd let himself fall into a familiar pattern without even thinking it through. Deep down, he knew ending things with Aaron and walking away wasn't what he wanted.

Not this time. Not with Aaron.

He dropped down on one knee and laid a hand on Aaron's shoulder. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have hit you."

Aaron shrugged away. "Fuck off! What is wrong with you? I tell you I love you, and you hit me?" He rolled onto his back, supported by his elbows, and touched his face where Nathan's fist had landed. "If that's the way you're going to be—I take it back."

Exhaling softly, Nathan looked away. "Please don't do that."

"Then tell me what you want from me." Aaron struggled to his feet. "I love you, and I want to be with you. Is that such a terrible thing?"

He clutched his stomach. "Is there someone else? Are you still seeing Jonathan?"

"No!"

God no. Fuck no.

"There's no one else," Nathan added. "Only you."

Only ever you.

Aaron took a deep breath. "Then what is your problem? I know you feel something for me."

Nathan spun away from Aaron and began pacing the room. What the fuck was he so afraid of? He was always telling himself he wanted a committed relationship, but as soon as it looked like that might be a possibility …boom! Blow up time.

He turned back to face Aaron. "The truth is I'm afraid of losing you. If I fell in love with you, and something happened to you, or you decided to leave me …where would I be?"

"Exactly where you're running to right now. Alone. Except you'd have missed out on the good times we could have had together."

Nathan grunted and exhaled sharply through his nose, remembering the agony he'd gone through when he'd received the news that his parents were dead. He couldn't imagine a worse feeling than the torment a person went through when they lost someone they loved.

He studied Aaron's eyes.

I do love you... so, so much.